Right Wing Spiritualist

Just because I'm a practitioner within the Church of Religious Science (founded by Ernest Homes) it doesn't mean that I'm a tree-hugger, liberal! Some of us in the New Thought movement still beleive that while we are trying to change the energy of this planet - WE STILL HAVE TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET !!

Friday, October 08, 2004

Specter of Breast Cancer


I’ve often told my friends that even though I’m a 5 year breast cancer survivor I live with the specter of the disease on my shoulder. I don’t pay attention to it very often, probably only once a year or so when I go for my check ups, but it lives there and is ready to be seen and heard from. It is made up of fear of the unknown and uncertainty about the future --- it wants us to pay attention to the negative possibilities it represents --- it does not want to be silent.

Well it reared it’s ugly head about two months ago. You see, I’ve lost a lot of weight and my previous breast reconstruction, following the mastectomy, has failed. The plastic surgeon I consulted with found an enlarged lymph node under my right arm. I told him it was nothing, as I’d been aware of it being there for over 3 years, but he insistent that I get it removed or he wouldn’t do the surgery. Well, that made me angry! How dare he tell me, after all the work I’d gone through to keep some of my lymph system intact, that I needed to have a node removed just because he was uncomfortable with it? However, as I always err or the side of saving my own life, and I want new boobs, I decided to get it checked out.

Both my General Practitioner and Oncologist advised me to have them removed. Well, if you haven’t ever seen the results of lymphadema (the enlargement of the arm and fingers following removal of the lymph system) then you can’t relate to the fears around it. After all, I’m a bead artist, painter and guitar player (not to mention the fact that I make a part of my living typing over 120 wpm), I couldn’t then and can’t now afford to have much more of my lymph nodes removed! I fought opting to speak with a surgeon. The surgeon and I created an "Option K" (as my brother is fond of saying) which amounted to doing several large needle biopsies that would give us an answer as to what exactly the tissue was and yet keep from killing the nodes.

I’ve maintained, from the beginning that there would be no positive results, that it was benign! Yesterday they took out the four lumps of tissue, and today I got the results. Here is a direct quote from the Nurse Practitioner – "Colista, it is exactly as you said it would be … a reactive lymph node with some fatty tissue surrounding it … it is completely benign and nothing to worry about."

As I’ve always said … I know my body better than anyone and I knew it would be nothing. I am, however, human, and once the tissue was removed I needed to hear the words --- and what beautiful words they were! Best news - I get my new boobs in January :) (lol)

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